Monday, February 15, 2010

2009 and all of it's glory

Everyone has a feeling about 2009 whether good or bad it has come with a lot of changes in life. With 2009 and now rolling on to 2010, It’s probably been the best jumpstart on a new chapter in my life. Is it the best year I’ve had in my life thus far? I think I can safely say YES, 2009 was fucking great! I’ve begun to reach some of my goals: living on my own, traveling, and using my degree.

Yes there were ups, and downs! FOR SURE, 2009 had a really, really, rough start for me. I doubt I could have imagined it to turn out so well. It started with the 6 month post graduation bills… student loans, it also came without the reliability of going to class and knowing that it’s ok to ask for financial help from your parents, “Because you’re going to school and it‘s more important than making money.” 2009 started with knowing the economy was crap and that I would have to work extra hard to make it, and work even harder to make it in the field I want to be happily working in. It ended with a weird semi-heartbreaking relationship. But at the same time this all came with the confirmation of knowing I have a loving and great supportive family of friends AND I can trust myself to be successful.

Original Party Crew members: Melissa Tuazon, Chris LeClair, and Dan Wright. your names pop up for when I saw the first light of 2009... With the three of you I felt very pivotal moments. For the first time in my life I felt like it was ok to relax, and not fret about myself and what everyone is thinking. At parties I felt the most comfortable with you guys. Every time I think about good party situations you are all involved. I honestly look really forward to goofing off, dancing, partying, whatever it is, it’s always a good time!… and more specifically, Melissa, you, with the help of Dan shall we say “took me out” of my comfort zone. Took me out on a day of much need, helped me just chill the fuck out, and enjoy being with my friends and get my mind alright. Melissa, hanging out with you in general, made me remember how good it feels to call up a friend and just veg out in the living room, or work out until your crazy sore the next day. Chris, you, continued to be the little brother I never had, I got to beat up on you and have fun with you in a way that I used to be able to goof with my brother, who is now so far away ***TACKLE*** I feel like with 2009 we became closer than when we just lived together on Crespi. Thank you all for putting the initial jumpstart to a good year. Overall, I have a lot of people and experiences to thank with 2009, people I list in this just happen to be major highlights that made 2009 extraordinary.

One of my life time goals was being my own responsible adult. Pay my own bills, take care of myself, and live on my own, but in point of time the only way to get that was to work freelance. Oh Freelance. That’s another thing that has definitely added to my personal growth. It was living pay check to pay check, working hard to make rent and not ask the folks for help. Freelance was building up a resume for myself to float upon, and attempting to make a network and name for myself. Freelance is HARD. Everyday I woke up with out a stable job to go to. It felt depressing, knowing the economy was plummeting and making jobs less available eshhh, going on Craiglist and throwing my resume out there with cover letters and emails, only to check my empty email box was tiring. But some how I did it. In 2009, I got every job had an interview for. Every interviewer knew at least 2 of my references listed! Seriously, theatre is small and I’m glad I’ve worked well within the small group of people I have worked with! Props master for 2 shows… and one show lead me to my current internship. This is something I’ve done for myself. Getting through last year was a bit hectic but now I feel accomplished and a little confident. I know I do good work, I know I can make an idea or someone else’s sketch a successful reality, but this year gave me confirmation on that and little less afraid as to if I will be successful or not. A chain reaction of goodness!

Dating, is never something I had ever really, really, experienced until 2009 either. It’s an interesting social interaction. It like everything- dating too has trial and error, finding a good mental connection, similar interests, enough differences, and seeing if that person is worth having around as a friend. I’ll admit I internet dated. Jeez, it’s such a weird idea when you first think about it right? I mean it almost seems too lonely? Or like you have too weak of a personality that you have to use a tool too meet someone because your personal charm alone isn’t good enough. Or that’s what I initially felt about it. The idea felt so weird. I think by online dating you are first coming to terms with yourself that you’re lonely, or just not able to find a good person for yourself in the “real world.” I was afraid of looking pathetic. Like I couldn’t find someone in my every day life. Maybe that’s what’s initially weird about it… it’s weird to finally admit to yourself that you want someone to be with, someone to connect with, someone to make you feel special, and you’re willing to actively look for this person via a tool. My ideal way of “relationship seeking” was ***poof*** you meet this person somewhere because: you bump into them, you’re introduced to them by a friend, or you meet them somehow unexpectedly, but potentially romantically… what’s romantic about setting up a meeting online? Nothing. But I have met someone before in the real world and well that crashed and burned… from then on the only people I’ve met in the real world turned out to be the best most awesome friends I could ask for, but seriously I couldn’t date boys like Christopher LeClair, Eddie Granillo, or Tony C. Yang, they’re my bro’s! Seriously I’ve met GREAT people out there, but our personalities are totally in the friend zone. So I tried the internet thing. I went out on a meeting “dates.” Generally, dating was good. It made me ok with meeting random people and confirm that I’m a pretty likeable person. I think learning how to be comfortable with potential dates is good personality growth, like seriously, I think it made going into actual job interviews easier and more comfortable just having the practice talking to new people. There was never an awkward first date with an abrupt exit, it was like a bunch of decent meetings and talking with strangers to potentially be attracted to. Fortunately, I did find people worth seeing past a first meeting; one as just a friend, who is still a friend today, and the other is David, my boyfriend. It took a while to get to David, but he found me online and once we met I’ve found him to be awesome and totally dateable! At this point I’m happy to be saying that I finally did find someone to feel special with!
David shares the name with quite a few people I know, David Ben, my bff, David my Grandpa, and a few other relatives and friends, so I have a good name association with him from the get go. But the best part about meeting this David, David C. Eggers is that he’s honest, straight forward, has a backbone, a degree hah, pretty good with words, sensitive enough to deal with me and my shenanigans, we have about a 60-70% cross over with our music interests! And he’s super FUN. I can take him almost anywhere,. We can be in a car for hours and still totally enjoy each others company! He makes me feel like a kid, in a good way, and like an adult, also in a good way, within a matter of moments. One minute we’re making fart noises with our mouths about random things and the next minute he’s giving me input a new life choice that’s coming up. It’s a really really good feeling to have a person that you can be both super playful and serious with. I feel like my recent accomplishments were made a little easier with him helping me out. Also I have done so much this past year and gone on so many adventures since David came into it last March.
Another life goal is looking up with David, Traveling! I’ve always wanted to Travel, see the world, the country that I live in, and see whats on the other side of the hill I’m currently looking at. It’s happening! I’m so glad that I finally have a travel buddy to adventure the world with! In 2009, David and I went up and down
The 101: San Rafael, Stintson Beach, Bolinas, San Francisco, Santa Cruz, Monterey, Carmel, Mendocino
I-5: Corvallis, Eugene, and Portland OR - Bellingham and Seattle WA, Vancouver BC (CANADA! Another COUNTRY!!!) , Orange County, Culver City.
Since these long and mini roadtrips we’ve discussed so many more that I’m excited to plan and have realized adventures! It’s soo freaking exciting! I’ve made so many attempts, potential plans with friends, and nothing has really fallowed through until David came along, so yet again another reason for me to be enthused of this past year and for future years!!!

Ok so I’m thinking about things semi chronologically… having a pick me up with friends, self discovery in the work zone, finding a great partner, travel, sometime within the partner and travel I had a significant conversation while on the road with David, not only significant to our relationship, but to my work and future. We discussed Berkeley Rep and the opportunity to intern there. At the time David and I had only been dating for a couple months and he asked me, on a drive to Sacramento, what I had been thinking about taking the internship or not. HE CARES! That was my initial thought when he started asking about it. However, more came out of that conversation not only do I have this great dude that is looking out for my best interest but I should think about accepting this great opportunity. Yes, I heard David out he had valid points of it being a stable work environment and a good way to spruce up my resume and portfolio, but it was still a major decision. The idea of working full time with a minimal stipend, trying to fit in all my newly acquired bills, and figuring out various sacrifices; such as losing the idea of a REAL full time job that pays like a full time job, moving out of my nice little apartment in Oakland, and finding a new home for my 2 cats and snake. It was such a hard thing to deal with. Here I finally adjusted to Oakland and my living situation, but now the idea of leaving that, it weighed pretty heavy, but talking it out helped a lot. I spoke with other friends and family and I think my Dad probably had the best way of putting it . He basically told me that this (theatre) is what I went to school for, and if this internship is going to help out getting the kind of job I want and put my degree to use then it’s probably a good idea to work it. Yes, sometimes I wish I didn’t have to make the sacrifice of moving and finding temporary home for my pets, but I am pretty sure that this was the best choice.
Working my internship is proving to be very rewarding and creating a strong section in my portfolio. I didn’t know too much about Berkeley Rep before accepting the internship, heck I don’t think I knew really anything about it other than it being the biggest theatre company in the East Bay. That was all. But seeing their facility, going through the interview, and watching their production of Lieutenant of Inishmore I felt “wow this seems fun! I want to work on a show like this.” The set and props looked pretty amazing, especially in comparison to the shows I worked on at SFSU. At that point it became a really exciting thing to ponder being a part of. So I’m here. Eight months into the internship and I feel like I’ve accomplished a lot. The first show I worked on here was American Idiot, Berkeley Reps first commercial theatre production, first musical, and I’m a part of this? What? I think I hit a good year. Last year Berkeley Rep got themselves into the position of having 2 shows on a Broadway stage, Wishful Drinking and The Viberator Play… and now I got to work on their third show; it’s exciting! Woah, it didn’t hit me until later after we started packing up all the props to be sent off to New York, that I made props that are going on a Broadway stage… I made and somewhat designed a couple crafty and functional hand props that will also be on stage, or at the very least be the prototype for a Broadway prop! WHAT ?haha! With that show alone I feel really great to have this internship on my resume. However, right now we’re working on a pretty fun show as far as props are concerned. My carpentry skills and strengthening and we’re building some pretty awesome props. Our main one right now is a mixed and matched version of a late 1800’s camera and it’s a fun project with a lot of brain work, math, and artistic skills. I’m totally loving the work I get to help produce here. Opps we’re now discussing 2010, but see everything’s going so well!

I know this might be kind of scatter brained, but it’s a year in a nutshell! I Hope the excitement continues to build up from here.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Mr. Deity how I love thee

For you people that like to laugh and enjoy sarcasm and religious questioning and jokes this is for you
... yes I'm atheist and find this funny as hell! Sorry if you don't understand the humor, but sarcasm is AWESOME these episodes are 5 > minutes of pure awesomeness.


Thursday, October 30, 2008

Pursuing Happiness

Oh what a month! So I got a new place, committed to a theatre job, realized I am single and actually enjoying ME time, met a new boy that made me very happy too, ran into a bit of a rut, now I’m back to trying to enjoy me time and continue to make myself happy and less stressed.

DOWNTOWN OAKLAND > an area that I am unfamiliar with, but am quickly becoming acquainted to. 2.5 Blocks away from the bart. 15 minute drive/ bart ride to San Francisco and Berkeley… and omg it’s totally reasonable especially with how cool it is. The place is cute as hell and my roommates are really fuckin cool. (Mind you I’ve been cussing like a sailor lately and I don’t think that’s gonna stop here) The apartment is a 3 bedroom one bath Victorian Duplex. Outside is white, pink, and purple (sounds perfect for me right hah). Inside is a beautifully remodeled kitchen with a dishwasher (I have yet to actually use it). Washer and Dryer included. My room is small but good enough for me I just need to find a good shelf that wont break and it will be clean again. OH OH OH and a door from my room into the back yard. YES there is a back yard it’s a bit of a community backyard for 4 other occupants but it’s the coolest thing. I can’t wait to have time to actually enjoy a barbecue here. My roommates are Tony and Ban. Both are pretty chill laid back and I think I’m going to be extremely happy living here because of them. Ban is fun, I think he has probably the coolest vocabulary and way of speaking ever. He makes bread everyday which is quite yummy, also he works at a pizza place so he brings home food with him every now and then. YAY no more need to really purchase pizza! As for Tony he’s a little badass. Off had he looks like the cutest happy go lucky sorta guy but he gots a little bite to him. Super sweet, cool, and seems like he can talk about almost anything, for those of you who know my dad he sorta has that kind of personality, oh and they’re both Scorpio so that may have something to do with it hah. This is the kick off to my new found happiness and life in the BAY AREAAAA!!!

THEATRE!!! Ok so I got a job as a props designer and assistant set designer. It’s a whole lot of work lots of purchasing and trips into the city. The set designer Michael is really cool to work with total sarcastic humor and can design a fuckin fantastic set fo shizzle. Oh and lastly I got some interesting stories from the Tenderloin (location of the Exit Theatre) for example I was caught off guard seeing a woman take a crap in the gutter… and more recently I saw a dude beating off to the license plate of my truck. OH THE TENERLOIN. But today is opening I am excited this means two things A) my work is out for your to see and you can enjoy an overall amazing show. And B) I got free time to look for a job! Jobs are good because they generate money which I am gradually dwindling out of. Blah

SO I’M Single > For the first time in 4 years I am no longer with Saman. We've been broken up for about 5 months now, and I still love him lots and we still talk everyday, but I’ve become more enjoying of our friendship and more self indulging. I feel like I am able to do what’s best for me and think about what I want to do and not think of things as a couple. I’m not complaining at all, but I never realized how much time it takes to think of simple everyday things like dinner for 2. To think and plan out alone time and solely think about what I need to do and not what WE are going to do. I got my job, I got my place, I’m finally at a spot where I have only dreamt of being and I’m sure I was able to drive myself a lot better because I am, well, by myself. It has been a goal of mine to be independent live off my own work know that I can be dependent on myself and my own happiness and I think this is the beginning of all of that. :-D makes me happy woot woot!

WHEN ALL IS GOING GOOD the unexpected comes along> OMG ok so this is a quick rollercoaster ride very fun, two thumbs up, heart clutching, and comes to a full, complete, and abrupt stop. AHH (that’s a scream) hah (and that’s a laugh). SO I met this boy didn’t think too much of it. I just got use to the idea of being single and happy and just enjoying myself again. He was sweet, cool, cute, and knew how to make me a bit happier. We talked a lot got so much in common. Similar music taste (that’s actually one of my first exciting thoughts of him, I couldn’t wait to go to a concert or go dancing with him). We danced a couple times and he totally can hang.. you know me and dancing and god damn he could TOTALLY handle it. He likes to drive fast a crank up the music when he’s alone and I’m totally the same (I know there are a lot of people that do the same, but I really felt like he understands the goodness and the enjoyment of just driving and listening to fuckin cool music like I do). My music is all over the place and his too, but it seemed like we meshed perfectly in that way; funny, how I don’t think I’ve ever told him this but yeah I guess there was a lot I was leaving out.. READ ON. He’s studying to be a computer engineer (and well my siblings are engineers) so I felt like I have a familiarity to him already. He was kinda like everything I thought I was looking for in a guy: level headed, sweet, dorky, responsible, thoughtful, comfortable, respectful, and fun/good talker (kinda like Saman, ya know the kind of person that everyone will like and can find something to talk about with). He has become a really good friend someone that I could really just talk to and not have to fret about, I can just be me and talk. It was like a good volleyball rally of words and didn’t seem like the ball ever hit the floor. Then as all those amazing things added up and I started to realized how much I appreciate him as a person, a friend, and that he’s really a good match. I OFFICIALLY came to terms with myself and realized I like him…a lot. Low and behold his ex decided to come back into his life. I guess he and I didn’t talk about a lot of things… part of me kicks myself. I didn’t voice my extreme like for him until I felt ready and I KNEW I really liked him…nor did I talk about committal situations (such as marriage and kids) with him until I get like it was safe… and I guess they didn’t come out soon enough. Seemingly, if they came out sooner I MIGHT still be dating him or something more, but eh seriously how do you compete with a long term girlfriend especially when the dude isn’t completely over her. Well she must be really amazing, more amazing than me at least hah. I was pretty emotional about it all for about 4 days, it was a good storm, but there are sunny days now!! We still talk like I said I appreciate him as a friend and that’s prolly what allowed me to really like him in the first place. Everyone is in the pursuit of there own happiness and I guess we contributed to each others, but who knows maybe our paths will cross again?? As long as my friends are happy all I can do is be happy for them and support it.

BACK TO SQUARE ONE >Yes, I am bummed out that things didn’t work out. I am back to square one in the dating aspect, but it isn’t that bad of a square. I just need to continue enjoying myself. I didn’t get in too deep or that far away from the feeling of enjoyment of solitude. I know I got lots of great friends an people in my life that basically show me that being myself is a good thing and ensure me that when I’m ready to really date there will probably be someone as equally as awesome as they are and that will work out for me. Everyday is an experience and I think experience is good. As for now nothings getting harder its just changing and I think I’m becoming more easy to adapt to my situation and surroundings. The month of October has definitely been a big change of everything and I think I am holding up and enjoying it all quite nicely.

LOVE YOU ALL and thanks for reading!!!

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Crossing Fingers

that I really don't jinx myself right now by saying this but every thing is going SOOOOO fucking WELL!!
OMG I'm so happy. So happy it's almost too good. Wow who know that I could go this long with out really feeling all emo. hah well I'm not a total nut case but ya know I'm happy and haven't had too many complaints. This summer has been so bad ass, everyday has been good (for the most part at least) I'm starting to feel more optimisic by the day.
OK 2 weeks ago I was on a complete high with the most fun ever wine tasting in Napa, Swimming with friends, Goin to the beach, Bar hoping, Seeing the Kims of Comedy, Watching the Dave Matthews Band and getting paid for it!!! This summer I have been on an increadible high, and knowing my friends are the sickest people ever! No one in my life right now can put me down. I'm letting go of the negative slowly and embracing everything and everyone positive! None of this summer would have been possible with out the people I know and love! About 80% of my happiness up to this point has happened because of all you guys. My summer has been like one giant kickass slumber party!!! Thank you! I love you all sooo fucking much it makes me want to cry (cause I feel so happy and special, of course).
As for this week I have realized that I have made myself happy. All my work, all my fretting and getting stuff done, all my randomness has confirmed that I am pretty fucking cool! hah sound cocky? Well I'm not... but I think for the first time in a long time I'm feeling proud and satisfied with myself. Work and the fair awesome, such fun, such gratification! My friends/co-workers were the whip cream and cherry on top and kept everything so great. OH OH OH.....I JUST GOT A JOB. not a job job but something with my degree... This Fall I am the Props Designer and Assistant Set Designer for Cutting Ball Theatre Co. in San Francisco. How cool is that?? Oh oh oh and today I got a call from the Clown Conservatory of San Francisco cause they're looking for a designers/builders! I'm sooo excited to see what's to come of this year! Oh me oh my i'm excited. And to end my evening on a Happy note I'm goin to the Drive-In hah :-)

I have currently made myself speachless Hah. Love you allz thanks for reading! and I can't wait to keep this ball of goodness rolling!