Pursuing Happiness

Oh what a month! So I got a new place, committed to a theatre job, realized I am single and actually enjoying ME time, met a new boy that made me very happy too, ran into a bit of a rut, now I’m back to trying to enjoy me time and continue to make myself happy and less stressed.

DOWNTOWN OAKLAND > an area that I am unfamiliar with, but am quickly becoming acquainted to. 2.5 Blocks away from the bart. 15 minute drive/ bart ride to San Francisco and Berkeley… and omg it’s totally reasonable especially with how cool it is. The place is cute as hell and my roommates are really fuckin cool. (Mind you I’ve been cussing like a sailor lately and I don’t think that’s gonna stop here) The apartment is a 3 bedroom one bath Victorian Duplex. Outside is white, pink, and purple (sounds perfect for me right hah). Inside is a beautifully remodeled kitchen with a dishwasher (I have yet to actually use it). Washer and Dryer included. My room is small but good enough for me I just need to find a good shelf that wont break and it will be clean again. OH OH OH and a door from my room into the back yard. YES there is a back yard it’s a bit of a community backyard for 4 other occupants but it’s the coolest thing. I can’t wait to have time to actually enjoy a barbecue here. My roommates are Tony and Ban. Both are pretty chill laid back and I think I’m going to be extremely happy living here because of them. Ban is fun, I think he has probably the coolest vocabulary and way of speaking ever. He makes bread everyday which is quite yummy, also he works at a pizza place so he brings home food with him every now and then. YAY no more need to really purchase pizza! As for Tony he’s a little badass. Off had he looks like the cutest happy go lucky sorta guy but he gots a little bite to him. Super sweet, cool, and seems like he can talk about almost anything, for those of you who know my dad he sorta has that kind of personality, oh and they’re both Scorpio so that may have something to do with it hah. This is the kick off to my new found happiness and life in the BAY AREAAAA!!!

THEATRE!!! Ok so I got a job as a props designer and assistant set designer. It’s a whole lot of work lots of purchasing and trips into the city. The set designer Michael is really cool to work with total sarcastic humor and can design a fuckin fantastic set fo shizzle. Oh and lastly I got some interesting stories from the Tenderloin (location of the Exit Theatre) for example I was caught off guard seeing a woman take a crap in the gutter… and more recently I saw a dude beating off to the license plate of my truck. OH THE TENERLOIN. But today is opening I am excited this means two things A) my work is out for your to see and you can enjoy an overall amazing show. And B) I got free time to look for a job! Jobs are good because they generate money which I am gradually dwindling out of. Blah

SO I’M Single > For the first time in 4 years I am no longer with Saman. We've been broken up for about 5 months now, and I still love him lots and we still talk everyday, but I’ve become more enjoying of our friendship and more self indulging. I feel like I am able to do what’s best for me and think about what I want to do and not think of things as a couple. I’m not complaining at all, but I never realized how much time it takes to think of simple everyday things like dinner for 2. To think and plan out alone time and solely think about what I need to do and not what WE are going to do. I got my job, I got my place, I’m finally at a spot where I have only dreamt of being and I’m sure I was able to drive myself a lot better because I am, well, by myself. It has been a goal of mine to be independent live off my own work know that I can be dependent on myself and my own happiness and I think this is the beginning of all of that. :-D makes me happy woot woot!

WHEN ALL IS GOING GOOD the unexpected comes along> OMG ok so this is a quick rollercoaster ride very fun, two thumbs up, heart clutching, and comes to a full, complete, and abrupt stop. AHH (that’s a scream) hah (and that’s a laugh). SO I met this boy didn’t think too much of it. I just got use to the idea of being single and happy and just enjoying myself again. He was sweet, cool, cute, and knew how to make me a bit happier. We talked a lot got so much in common. Similar music taste (that’s actually one of my first exciting thoughts of him, I couldn’t wait to go to a concert or go dancing with him). We danced a couple times and he totally can hang.. you know me and dancing and god damn he could TOTALLY handle it. He likes to drive fast a crank up the music when he’s alone and I’m totally the same (I know there are a lot of people that do the same, but I really felt like he understands the goodness and the enjoyment of just driving and listening to fuckin cool music like I do). My music is all over the place and his too, but it seemed like we meshed perfectly in that way; funny, how I don’t think I’ve ever told him this but yeah I guess there was a lot I was leaving out.. READ ON. He’s studying to be a computer engineer (and well my siblings are engineers) so I felt like I have a familiarity to him already. He was kinda like everything I thought I was looking for in a guy: level headed, sweet, dorky, responsible, thoughtful, comfortable, respectful, and fun/good talker (kinda like Saman, ya know the kind of person that everyone will like and can find something to talk about with). He has become a really good friend someone that I could really just talk to and not have to fret about, I can just be me and talk. It was like a good volleyball rally of words and didn’t seem like the ball ever hit the floor. Then as all those amazing things added up and I started to realized how much I appreciate him as a person, a friend, and that he’s really a good match. I OFFICIALLY came to terms with myself and realized I like him…a lot. Low and behold his ex decided to come back into his life. I guess he and I didn’t talk about a lot of things… part of me kicks myself. I didn’t voice my extreme like for him until I felt ready and I KNEW I really liked him…nor did I talk about committal situations (such as marriage and kids) with him until I get like it was safe… and I guess they didn’t come out soon enough. Seemingly, if they came out sooner I MIGHT still be dating him or something more, but eh seriously how do you compete with a long term girlfriend especially when the dude isn’t completely over her. Well she must be really amazing, more amazing than me at least hah. I was pretty emotional about it all for about 4 days, it was a good storm, but there are sunny days now!! We still talk like I said I appreciate him as a friend and that’s prolly what allowed me to really like him in the first place. Everyone is in the pursuit of there own happiness and I guess we contributed to each others, but who knows maybe our paths will cross again?? As long as my friends are happy all I can do is be happy for them and support it.

BACK TO SQUARE ONE >Yes, I am bummed out that things didn’t work out. I am back to square one in the dating aspect, but it isn’t that bad of a square. I just need to continue enjoying myself. I didn’t get in too deep or that far away from the feeling of enjoyment of solitude. I know I got lots of great friends an people in my life that basically show me that being myself is a good thing and ensure me that when I’m ready to really date there will probably be someone as equally as awesome as they are and that will work out for me. Everyday is an experience and I think experience is good. As for now nothings getting harder its just changing and I think I’m becoming more easy to adapt to my situation and surroundings. The month of October has definitely been a big change of everything and I think I am holding up and enjoying it all quite nicely.

LOVE YOU ALL and thanks for reading!!!